Long Lost Love

your presence still lingers here,

in my heart;

for your eternal flame shall never dim,

as long as i'm here to protect you;

you are my lust,

you are my envy,

you are my greed,

you are my pride,

you are my gluttony;

you are my wrath;

DotA
as our love is written in the stars...

we shall meet again

yes, we shall...

(right after i finished my final paper, of course)

Sketch

"I wonder if this whole world is a sketch,

because i never met someone who's not an actor/actress.
yeah...i've even been in movies many times before,
and some of them're blockbuster!
some passionate actors were very into the movie,
that until today i can still feel the pain from the last scene,
where i've been stabbed in the back."

-mugen

flickr.com

Photo Album

Untuk tatapan orang di rumah

Peel Fresh

"ahh...rasa segar bugar bangat bangsat lepas seharian tak tido dok buat program 4 computer...serius aku serik..."

grabbed from 108redstitches.blogspot.com

For You

gersang gila orang yang bagi kad nih...

Darker Than Black

"mugen, mugen, who are you?"
"adam, adam, i am you!"
"if you are me, then who i am?"
"be afraid you shouldn't, 'cause you are me!"
"shut the fuck up mugen, you're twisting my mind!"
"ha ha, ha ha, 'cause i am twisted,
for you and i, we both are crooked."
"wtf, wtf, how come i'm twisted?"
"for i am you and what's mine is yours."
"you are getting creepy mugen, i'm afraid of you."
"why are you afraid of your own shadow, my dear adam?"
"you keep saying, you keep chanting,
that you and i, are both one child!"
"afraid not my dear me, for what's best for you is best for me!"
"what?"
"because within you, there is me,
and within me, there is you."
"i don't understand, i'm not philosophical."
"as always, you are naive adam,
for without me, you're just a toy for the bullies"
*monologue*:"sigh, sigh, i am weak."
"yes, yes, you are weak!"
"how come, how come, you can read my mind?"
"for i am you, and you are me,
and i'm your darkest inner side, and you're my purest inner side!"

grabbed from dark.pozadia.org

Dare Life

"dare life,
is the a.b.c. of survival;
not because i'm the fittest,
but because i'm wounded;
for taking the road most rugged,
is always my way of life;
i will continue to live,
even though i have to walk,
with my tail between my legs."
-mugen

"i'm fucked up with computer science,
now you can't call me a nerd*."
-adam

*psychological perspective: personality is reflected by our jobs; computer scientist is nerd.

Fallen Angel

"be afraid of the devil we shouldn't,

'cause the devil's own master we are."
-mugen

grabbed from scrapetv.com

the words above that mugen spoke off are what drove me to be braver...to be frank, i WAS quite of a coward when it comes to facing one of my greatest fear; devils.

ever since i can remember, i was always afraid of the unseen entity...why? maybe because i grew up in a malay community where myths about devils were quite creative indeed; pontianak (dead widow who flies around and seek young man's blood), hantu raya (ghost of eidul-fitr celebration), hantu kopek (ghost of woman with gigantic boobies), and more!

well, not until i tried to search for the reason behind the reason i was afraid of those ghost...thou' it took quite a few years to reason with the you-are-a-ghost-so-i-should-fear-you mentality...the fact that i've been kissed by the devil when i was young (saw a picture of me having black dots on my forehead that is only visible in the photo and someone conclude that i was kissed by the devil) and i lived in a heavily-populated-by-ghosties house back in kuantan were enough to scare the shit out of me...

the house in kuantan where i lived in for about 5 years was full of unexplained phenomenon; sound of scratches and footsteps on the ceiling where if they were originating from cats or birds, i should have heard their sounds because the ceilings were made of thin cardboard...but in this case, i did not hear any cat or bird sound!...and the fact that my mother got sick because of those 'things' really boiled my shit...if only they can materialize into something physical, imma' drag their ass out on the street and kick the shit out of 'em...

when i set my mentality that we humans are made better than those devils, something is making sense. why should i be afraid of something that is of a lower status? instead, i should respect them for they're also one of God's creation. thou i'm still struggling to get rid of the feeling of inferiority to the devils, but at least i'm a lot braver than before...

p/s: even i can be a lot more of a devil than the devil itself...
p/s 2: hantu kopek sounds interesting...

Sand

grabbed from beetlebabee.wordpress.com

"thou shalt let the sands of time be the cure,
and prepare for the advent of regenesis;
for all hatred and love are subjugated
to death and decay;
maybe,
just maybe,
love is about forgiving after all."
-mugen

grabbed from waterstone.wordpress.com

16th Week-ends

friday 4th Dec: first snow...some fellas're playin' snowballs war down there...

i missed the bus to the mosque on purpose so that i can walk my way there whilst enjoying the sceneries

SIG 2nd activity...nice job for not taking the path of cliche usrah
played snowball war...

***************************************************

saturday 5th Dec: got lost while trying to find cinema...at -10°C...

when all hope was done for, there it was, the marcus cinema, with it's majestic look, and retarded-no-taste popcorn...luckily ninja assassin was worth the effort to get there...

***************************************************

sunday 6th Dec: even my favourite beverage can get turned-on by the freezing temperature...

*************************************************

monday 7th Dec: class started at 3pm...so i consider today is still a holiday...it snowed for the 2nd time...and i noticed that every snow flakes has its own distinct shape...how magical...sugoi!

grabbed from labgrab.com

Dust

grabbed from graphicshunt.com

"the smoothest a bond can be is forged,
by men and women whose innocence is a toy for their lust;
for they pursue the happiness only love can bring,
that they turn blind eye to the materialized mountains,
separating them not of their hearts but their eyes;
and as the time is staged as the antagonist,
and put them into test;
for those who outlast the test of time,
shall claim the trophy of matrimony;
and for those who failed their bond,
they shall cherish the requiem of their despair;
for their bond is nothing but
dust."
-mugen

grabbed from kezi.wordpress.com

Lose Yourself

"to lose is to gain;

to gain is to lose"

p/s: i hardly get any intuition lately...sigh...

Mystery

"colour is still a mystery for me"
-adam(2009)

i wonder how would it be if everything is colourless or only black & white or only pink...i hate the last one...

1st December 2009

"arigatou to CS 302 or in it's standard name CamShit 302, my life is getting 'better'! for 3 days(at least), i worked on it, and it doesn't get anywhere near complete...

now at 3 am on 2nd December, i can finally relax my butt and caress it as it had suffered too much from my concentration on finishing my java program...dear dear my butt, let daddy put you into the comfortiness of the bed..."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"hell, i forgot about my calculus homework! oh well, i still have 10 hours before the class start...minus my sleep time and other classes, only 2 hours left to do those homeworks...nice... calculus...'love' ya'!"

30th November 2009

"been in touch with a long lost friend from the past...reminiscing the past sure lights up my gloomy day..."

Happiness

"if happiness can take shape, what would it be?

i would say it will be like glass...though it is unseen, but it's there.

when the light passes through it, it will shine and create wonderful reflections"

-lelouch vi britannia

sugoi!! (cool!!)

Journal 19th November 2009

"horrible. the test was undoubtedly the most clueless test i've even done. the feeling at the moment i read the questions was like pantech (pronounced pantek)!! damn...i better make use of my weekend to make me forget the horrible pantech java test..."

*note the make below the string MATRIX saying Pantech.
grabbed from phonedone.com

Journal 18th November 2009

"cooked me self fried kuey teow for lunch for the first time in me life..... taste like 89% of the perfecto fried kuey teow that me father always make.... in the land where the people have no taste in food (America), me wonder if me can get me cooking even more perfect, thanks to the lack of reliable cooking ingredients."

****************************************************************

*updated on 5.30pm

"drank soft drink again...and again...kinda feel like i'm addicted to soft drink now especially diet Mtn Dew...maybe i just like the part where its caffeine keeps me awake when studying, and the sugar keeps my brain working."

mtn dew...america's version of kickappo (malaysia)

Journal 17th November 2009

"I saw a meteor and it's not so great. should have kept my imagination of a true meteor shower from anime virgin/untainted. sheeh..."

Miyabi Yum Yum

wakakak... roflol

The Sims 4™

Title : The Sims 4™
Rate : M
Release : TBA

heck, i ain't gonna post about the real sims game...those who are interested in games, you should consult here ...

the sims has taught me a shitload of stuff...one particular to me is the progress in something that is new to me...from developing creativity through house designing process, giving me clue about what's going to happen in the future (death), human socializing (scoot&kiss...preferably make-out kiss) to handling the bladder (i must stand and wet myself up if i cannot hold on to my bladder anymore)...

the sims - where creativity blooms

last night was the first time i ever ice-skate...the thought that bulls-eyed my brain the moment i stepped into the ice ring was a flashback; back towards the moment i tried to learn to ride a 2-wheeled bicycle (okay, i'm sentimental)...every time i fell down on the ice, somehow the pain synchronized with the memory i had falling from the bicycle...

should the girl be the one who proposes? be creative. the other girl can only scratch her buttocks as she says "ahh...they are so romantic~~"

but i am quite a hardheaded or a Grond (those who know me well should know this) when it comes to learning something physically challenging...i learned soccer through 2-hours practice (though i'm not good at it even now), practice bowling till my fingers cannot move, learn lawn bowl while sunbathing till i get dark, and now, ice-skating till my leg hurts (maybe i can blame my skate shoes which is waayyy to wide..)

i would have thought i would freeze...but it's damn hot and i sweat, on ice!

remember the progress bar on top of the sims head when he/she is learning something? maybe my ice-skating skill did not improve more than 10%..hahaha...i wonder if there is any console that i can type cheat codes in real life similar to the sims? haha

Hell Smiten

a great friend of mine asked me to read his facebook status and give my honest piece of shit about it...here he goes:

"Hey my muslim friends, stop chasing after anti-religion groups like "F*** Islam" etc!!! Just let them do what they will! why do U have to get so cooked up??Mind ur own freaking business!"
-Kash N Khan, 2009

so what's up with the controversial statement? does it mean that he can be fucked as an infidel for saying his opinion? Hell be blessed, he's just a honest kiddo (sorry kash..haha)...here're some myth about the anti-christ group(s) that exists(without 's'):

myth 1: "ignorance is a sin"

here's a fact: ignorance can lead to boredom, which will lead to the isolation of the source of ignorance - the first person to say "F**k Islam!". the more people congested in the group, joining the discussion how retarded the christian child for cursing Islam, the more chaotic the situation is! why don't we try to leave that poor child with his toys. later when nobody pays attention to him/her, he'll/she'll stop. things you should consider: is this a trick made by some assholes to instill anger within us muslims? and by joining the group, will the facebook owner delete the anti-religion group? for ass sake, no!

just when i ignored another one similar like this, another came out of nowhere, which i ignored, AGAIN!

myth 2: "to show that we muslims are one"

here's my piece of shit: would you follow one of your bretherens into a shithole , one after another? if one muslim is angered by the sentiment of the anti-islam group, he'll ask other muslims to join him 'for the sake of unity as muslims'. unintentinally, they'll be assimilating the anger towards the anti-islams. wouldn't it be us who get to share the spotlight for the badass here too?

myth 3: "wouldn't you protect the dignity of your embraced religion: Islam?"

here's some ass freshener: would it carry on the meaning of peace by joining the riot? defensive mechanism works in two ways here: absorb or reflect. those anti-christ slash for-the-dignity-of-islam group employs the latter. they reflect back the sarcastic words fired on them by using the famous technique called "fuck-'em-christian-back". peace is like the sun and the moon, yin and yang, water and fire...eat the gist of what i mean by those metaphors, or you'll eat shit for the rest of your life.

"there are more shit in the world than in your ass. get out of the box and think."
-mugen, 2009

PS: "phew...that was stress relieving...now onto my calculus shit~~"

Berita Dari Tanah Air

selama 2 bulan lebih, banyak berita yang aku telah ketinggalan... sejak aku masuk duduk asrama lepas SPM, memang nak tgk berita @ baca surat khabar amat susah...

jadi sumber aku untuk nak ikut dengan isu semasa kat malaysia skrg, internet menjadi sumber inspirasi aku...antara berita yg baru aku dpt tahu:



-namewee buat hal lagi...kali ini TNB jadi mangsa...

-kisah asri (bukan asri drake university) yg menghentam JAIS sbb samakan org bukan Islam dengan perempuan datang haid dan tidak boleh masuk masjid...

-negeri sembilan FC 3 - 1 kelantan FC

Minggu Ke-9

setelah lama tidak main street soccer, akhirnya ke-gian-an terbabit dapat dilunaskan pada petang menghampiri malam semalam...walaupun baru elok daripada sakit pinggang, tapi nampaknya sudah sembuh...tapi, sekarang dapat pulak bonus baru...pergelangan kaki pulak sakit disepak dari belakang ketika bermain bola...

malamnya, tanpa dirancang, terjadilah satu movie night pertama di bilik aku...peserta2 nya adalah aku, muyak, qibo, piqa, bella dan yati...movie: paranormal activity - satu movie yang agak kontroversial...bila aku dapat tahu steven speilberg ada kaitan dengan movie ini, perasaan ragu2 mula datang samada cerita benar atau tidak...movie night diakhiri dengan pihak perempuan takut untuk balik ke bilik masing2 di tinggat atas tingkat aku...

pagi (tengah hari bagi kebanyakan org) aku di hari sabtu boleh dikatakan nyaman...suhu di luar hanya 20 celsius...disebabkan matahari di wisconsin amat terik, walaupun 20 celsius tapi aku sudah mula berpeluh (di dalam bilik aku yg ada aircond!!)...mungkin juga aku terjaga kerana makhluk2 disebelah bilik aku sedang melakukan aksi2 ranjang dengan bunyi2 yang explicit...

pabila kebosanan melanda..

nasib aku teringat dengan janji aku untuk masak special hari ini - kambing potong!! (lamb chop)... perjalanan ke kedai daging halal amat la bosan+lama...detail2 kedai itu tak berapa ingat, tapi kedai di sebelah kedai halal tu amat segar dalam ingatan...kedai halal tu betul2 seberang kedai jual dvd porn yg terbesar setakat ni aku nmpk...kecewa dengan koleksi daging halal di kedai tersebut (hanya ada kambing yg da potong2 kecik), tinggal chicken chop je la...

walaupun ini kali pertama aku sendiri yang handle masak ayam tu, tapi hasilnye mmg jauh lagi baik dari yg disangka...suhu 450F oven utk sejam dah cukup utk masak sampai ke tulang...plus, aku terpanggang lebih dari ayam yg dipanggang...pangkal ibu jari aku terkena besi panas oven 1/5 saat dan aku boleh nampak daging aku...chop gravy tidak dapat aku sediakan secara homemade kerana kesuntukan bahan...terpaksa guna instant punya yg tak cukup kick...

yeap...nasib baik reflex aku ada lagi...still, aku takde rasa emosi sakit...haish...

essay ini bukan utk nak menunjuk kehidupan aku yg agak hambar sejak kebelakangan ini...tetapi sebagai rekod kepada kehidupan aku yang semakin aku lupa...mungkin sebab tido lama sangat atau pemakanan aku yg tidak sihat yg jadikan aku pelupa...inilah life-in-the-9th -week-in-US aku...

pokok ni dah botak skrg...musim salji dah hampir...aku tgh makan skittles time tuh...

ar? sorry ah...aku kadang2 kene buat gila2 sket...takot betol2 jadi gile sbb bosan...

*post aku semakin mengarut...apa nak jadi nih? bm dah tahap kanak2 riang di sekolah rendah...

Reciprocal Truth

"so, all these while, we never really are ourselves"
-mugen, 2009

in conjunction with

"just be yourself"
-anonymous

cited from www.screenrant.com

Pinkie Stevie

cited from wikipedia.org

a day in history: on 1st november 2009, i deliberately (yet forcibly) made myself to attend an academic talk by steven pinker.

-i was made to attend the talk as a requirement for my seminar class which offers one fucking credit.
-overall: 30% fucking insight refresher, 70% fucking garbage talk.
-what opened my mind: viewing language in psychological perspective is sure fucking interesting.
-fucking love this part:

"this is really, really, fucking brilliant"
- Bono U2, 2003, during Golden Globe Awards

-FCC (some kinda police in media) charged bono for saying obscene word in public.
-bono cannot be charged according to steven pinker due to enactment of the USA
-the enactment will only charge bono if the obscene word (fuck) is of tenses, adjectives, or any grammar sublets.
-but the enactment misses one point: fucking in bono's quote is an adverb - the only grammar sublets that is not included in the enactment.
-also pinker said: bono used 'fucking' to express his overwhelming emotion when he's on the stage.

*note that i used a lot of (fucking) words in this post to show how i explicitly show my overwhelming emotion.

p.s.: kinda start to like to hear psychological-themed talk like this...somehow i wondered why i dont choose to major in psychology...sigh

Out of the Blues ep6

"changes towards the better might not totally for the better. it might be an annoyance for the others."
-mugen, 2009

Out of the Blues ep5

"Expectations in friendship may lead to affliction"
-mugen, 2009

cited from www.boygeniusreport.com

StrenghtQuest

as one of the insanely abundant homework from my seminar class (1credit but the subject with the most homework), it's just a small quiz on my strengths that have been dormant inside me...thou' i don't really know for sure about the credibility of the quiz (it requires some kinda code to register...my guess is that the seminar paid the website for the code for each people)...but it seems encouraging and credible enough...

Connectedness
-You see that all things happen for a reason. You believe that all things are working together in a purposeful manner.
-You feel connected to life itself. Therefore, you feel a responsibility to be considerate, caring, and accepting toward others.
-Sensitive to the invisible hand, you can give others comfort that there is a purpose beyond our humdrum lives.

Adaptability
-You easily adjust to many things all day long because you naturally live in the moment.
-To others, things seem to just “fall into place” for you. Help them recognize that it isn’t luck. You have a talent for adjusting to changing circumstances.
-You create the future out of the choices you make right now, one choice at a time.

Relator
-You can form close relationships with people, and you enjoy doing so.
-You know many people, and you can relate with all kinds of people. But you also have a very small group of friends with whom you have incredibly deep relationships.
-Some people may feel threatened or uncomfortable because they don’t have the close, intense personal relationships that you thrive on.

Developer
-You love to see others make progress, and you will notice even the slightest progress.
-You are a natural encourager. Take the time to call or e-mail people who need your encouragement most.

Individualization
-You view each person as a distinct, one-of-a-kind individual.
-You instinctively observe each person’s style, each person’s motivation, how each thinks, and how each builds relationships.
-Because you are such a keen observer of other people’s strengths, you can draw out the best in each person.

*i hope that this will make me feel better and drive me to be a better person. =)

Out of the Blues (explicit version)

WARNING! DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED BY WORDS!

pepatah melayu: konek aku tgh reload

contoh penggunaan:-

"ko nih bila nak couple lagi? tak takut gersang?"

"konek aku tgh reload la..."
-quoted from anonymous
-maksud: belum bersedia untuk memulakan hubungan baru...

SIG First Event - Pot Luck™

Venue : Round House (room 505 & 506)

Date : 16th October 2009

Time : 8.00pm (starts at 8.40pm because janji melayu)

Attendees : Freshman and Seniors.

Organizer : Shasha, me and Sarah Ez

walaupun terdapat sedikit kecelaruan dalam menjalankan aktiviti ini, tapi sudah memadai sekadar dapat merapatkan silaturahim antara rakan2...itu matlamat utama aktiviti kali ini...